Why do People Cheat: Understanding the Psychology of Infidelity

As a psychotherapist, one of the most common and painful issues I encounter when providing couples therapy is the impact of infidelity. People often ask, "Why do people cheat?" The answer is complex and rooted in a variety of psychological, emotional, and relational dynamics.

In this article, I'll examine some of the main reasons why people cheat and, importantly, discuss how to address this upsetting issue.

Key reasons why people cheat

Feelings of inadequacy

Cheating can stem from deep-seated insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. For some individuals, the thrill of engaging in a secret relationship can provide a temporary boost to their self-esteem, making them feel desired and attractive.

Emotional disconnection

Moreover, emotional disconnection within a primary relationship can also lead someone to seek affection elsewhere. When partners fail to communicate effectively or neglect each other's emotional needs, one might feel lonely or undervalued. This longing for intimacy and validation can push them towards another person who seems to offer the attention and care they crave.

The need for novelty or excitement

Additionally, some people cheat due to a desire for novelty or excitement. The initial phases of a romantic relationship often come with intense passion and interest, but over time, this can fade. For those who thrive on excitement, the prospect of an affair might seem like a way to reignite those exhilarating feelings.

Unmet needs

At its core, having an affair  often stems from unmet needs - emotional, physical, or psychological.

When individuals feel disconnected, unappreciated, or unfulfilled in their relationships, they may seek validation and intimacy elsewhere. For some, infidelity is a misguided attempt to reclaim a lost sense of self-worth or excitement.

Attachment styles

Attachment styles also play a significant role. Those with avoidant or anxious attachment may struggle with intimacy or fear abandonment, leading them to sabotage relationships unconsciously. Additionally, individuals with low impulse control or unresolved trauma may be more prone to act out through infidelity as a way to manage stress or escape internal conflict.

Cultural and social factors

Cultural and social factors can influence behaviour too. In some environments, infidelity is normalised or even glamorised, diminishing its perceived negative consequences. Others may enter into relationships with unclear expectations or differing definitions of commitment, leading to misunderstandings and hurt.

Moving forward in your relationship

It’s important to remember that while understanding the reasons behind cheating can bring clarity, it doesn’t minimise the potential pain of the betrayal. Healing from betrayal requires honesty, accountability, and often, professional guidance in order to rebuild open communication, trust, and emotional fulfilment within relationships.